It's one of the worst feelings. Rejection. It hurts, it sucks, it makes you feel like a loser and sometimes it makes you feel like giving up. For some of us, it drives us to do crazy things we know we shouldn't do. Raise your hand if you've ever driven by the house of the person who rejected you. No? Hmm. Maybe that's just me. The point is, people deal with rejection in their own way, but there are a few things to keep in mind while you're trying to figure out what went wrong. Here is a simple 3-step plan to get yourself together and stop repeating your behavior. Step 1: Wallow in Your Misery This is my favorite step because you get to be as obsessive and annoying as you want. Chill out about what you can or cannot do to fix things and take a minute to just sit with the crappy feelings. Recognize that the person isn't a match for you. It's true that you can't change someone. So stop trying. They're the one who sucks. Yes, you two probably would have been great together if only (fill in the blank). But that didn't happen, so take a moment to mourn the loss of what could have been, listen to Bonnie Raitt's "I can't Make You Love Me," recognize that you have lost your mind, and move on to the next step. Step 2: Figure Out The Lesson Ask yourself how you could have handled the situation better. There are two sides to every story, so while the person most likely just sucks as a person, there may have been something you did (or did not do) that could have changed the course of the relationship. Perhaps you could have let him chase you a little more, or perhaps you could have waited to do the nasty until you had a commitment. Whatever the reason is, think about the small changes you can make with the next person you fancy. If you have no idea what you could have done differently, ask your friends. They know. Just keep in mind that the person you're losing your mind over is not a good match for you and if it's this difficult in the beginning, think of how awful an actual relationship with them would be. Most importantly, you're not a loser, so stop saying that. Step 3: Get Back Out There Finally, once you've completed the first two steps, it's probably time to get back out there and try again. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. So easy to say but so hard to do. When you figure out why he never returned your call or why he thinks your crazy, make a promise to yourself that you will be in control the next time someone asks you out. Think about the kind of person you really want to be with and don't settle for anything less, because eventually that person will do nothing but piss you off. No matter what, just know that you will find someone else. We're all meant to be with someone, so if that's what you want, don't worry too much about being rejected by someone who wasn't right for you to begin with. If you've gone through this exercise and you still feel like a loser, maybe this tactic will help. How have you handled rejection?
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