Why Gen Y Does Not Date
Single people in Gen Y know it’s tough out there. We want to be in a relationship, then we want to be single. We want a friend with benefits, then we want a commitment. We want to get married, then we don’t want to be tied down at all. Who can keep up?
While it may seem very confusing to navigate relationships as a member of Gen Y, there are actually a clear set of rules that most Gen Yers stick to — you’re either hooking up without a commitment or you’re in a relationship and moving in together. There’s very little gray area.
It might sound strange to older generations who place more value on courtship and doing things in a certain order, but Gen Y’s swift decisions about relationships actually simplify the process, which for us is always the goal. Come to think of it, I think lesbians have a similar policy. At least that’s what my gay bestie tells me. Maybe Gen Y is the new lesbian? I digress.
What ever your opinion is of Gen Y’s now or never view on relationships, it’s important to know that there is sound psychology behind the method. If you’re single and on the prowl, there are some things about your fellow Gen Yers that you should keep in mind when it comes to relationships. Here’s the break down on why we don’t date.
Waste of Time
We’re a generation of now. We want to know the status of everything in real-time. Gone are the days when you go out with someone a few times and see if they grow on you. We know they wont. As members of Gen Y, we’ve become accustomed to always knowing where we stand and always taking the easy way out. Why would I want to go out with you more than once, if I know right away we’re not a match? Doesn’t make sense. We see dating as a waste of time because we prefer to cut our losses and move on as soon as we’re just not feeling it.
Formality Sucks
No one likes going on a first date. No one. First there is the decision of where, when, how to meet. Then there is the gamut of emotions you go through prepping for the first date, follow up by the explosion of nerves you feel when you’re walking toward each other. Do we hug? Do we not hug? Should I be early? Should I be a little late? The act of dating involves planning and effort, both of which we’re not very keen on when it comes to deciding whether or not we just want to bang or eventually move in with the person. Instead, we prefer a more organic relationship. We meet. We talk to each other. We discuss hanging out again (which is not a date because it could involve other people). We slowly break off and do our own thing. We like that for a while. Then boom, we’re in a relationship and planning the move in. Very informal and requires little effort.
Easy Way Out
Lastly, we know when it’s just a hook up and when it’s a relationship. In either case, there is a clear set of rules and expectations. We’re just hooking up, therefore we will not be seen in public together unless it’s the end of a night at the bar, or we’re together, and it’s on Facebook, so it’s legit. The problem with these kinds of rules is that sometimes when we like someone we talk ourselves in and out of the gray area, “Maybe he didn’t call because he’s busy, I’ll wait another day before I text him.” That’s another post for another day, but for most of us in Gen Y, we know where the relationship is going right away. Not having to date each other for months on end to make a decision makes life a lot easier, and well, we like that.
Why Is It So Hard To Save Money?
I’ve never been a great saver. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s really tough to save when you’re a self-sufficient person.
Most of us don’t make a ton of money right out of college (or 5 years later), and ironically we’re expected to live in the real world without a financial safety net. (Unless you have parents who help you out, in which case, you’re in for a world of hurt.) Although I’ve never been in serious debt (I’ve never had a credit card), I still don’t have much to show in the way of savings. And by “much to show” I mean I don’t even have a savings account. I know, it’s bad.
This infographic is yet another reminder of how easy it is to save and how much it would have helped me when I bought my house. Yes, I’ve gotten by pretty well for myself, but I do feel like I effed myself in the finance department because (much to my chagrin) I can’t afford to do everything on my bucket list. Like travel out of the country once a year like my friends seem to do. Ugh.
Perhaps this infographic will help you put your finances into perspective (assuming you suck at saving too) and get the wheels turning about how great/easy/pain-free it is to save money. Sure, you’ll have to give up a small indulgence in the short-term, but then you get to earn a big indulgence in the long-term. Life’s about pluses and minuses.
We all know we should save money, so why is it so tough?
Help Your Friend Without Taking on Her Drama
NOTE: This post was written upon request and doesn’t pertain to any one person in my life. Just thought I’d mention that to avoid getting any nastygrams/inducing paranoia.
We all have the dramatic girlfriend. You know, the one who is always having a crisis, complains about everything, doesn’t take no for an answer, and is generally a pain in your ass. Too bad she’s one of your best girlfriends, and deep down, you love her. You want to help her, but she’s exhausting. How do you help your friend without getting sucked into the drama and losing your mind?
Listen
Most people just want a warm body and an ear. Take the time to listen to your friend go on and on about her issue. Yes, you’ll probably want to interject and tell her she’s out of control, but stop yourself. Just listening might get you off the hook faster than you think. I know it’s hard to hear about what he did to her and why she’s still putting up with it, but sometimes it’s best just to listen with a smile and not interject your opinion (which by the way, is probably right).
Take an objective stance
If you’ve listened and you’re asked for your opinion, take an objective stance. It’s hard not to tell your friend she’s being crazy, but if you want to keep your distance then keep your distance. Offer up compromises or reasonable solutions to the problem, but try not to engage any further. Unless you’re like me, and you love the juicy bits, just keep the subject matter on a surface level.
Find the humor
All good friends laugh with you and at you. See if you can get your friend to take a step back and find the humor in the situation. It’s always there, you just have to look.
Set Boundaries
Let her know you’re over it. You don’t have to be a bitch about it, but you can get your point across that you’re not interested in discussing it further if no action/resolution happens. Friendship is about honesty, so make sure you’re being honest in the way that you feel without ruining your friendship altogether. Chances are the drama will solve itself with time, so just know that nothing lasts forever and the crazy will end eventually. In the meantime, remember what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the drama and do your friends a favor: don’t suck them in!
